July 2017

What a month...

Transition. Decisions. Backing out of decisions. Vacation. Broad Ripple.

That about sums it up!

I know July isn't over, but I'm at a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon which never happens and we also don't have internet at our rental place so if any sort of blog is going to happen, it has to be now.
We are heading into our last week in Indy. Moving sooner than expected due to (me) not liking the duplex we're renting. Location is amazing...space, not so much. I told my dad it was the worst place I'd ever lived, to which he replied that I've had a pretty good life. :)

We aren't finding a home in FW and having trouble nailing down which area we want to land in anyway so we're taking advantage of Devin's grandpa's empty house and moving there while we find a place. Henrik is enrolled in preschool, my BSF registration is transferred (sad about this...love my Indy class SO MUCH), so I suppose it's time to dive into yet another transition! I'm trying really hard to look at this as a familiar move but not like we're moving back into our old life, because I know a lot can change in two years. I've certainly changed a lot in two years.

We were on vacation at my parent's lake house for about ten days which was seriously the balm my soul needed. It was 75 and sunny nearly everyday and we just had a fabulous time. I've said it before, but that vacation home is the very best gift my parents have ever given us.

My sister had a baby! Sweet little Cal joined our family on the 11th. 

The boys and I have been utilizing our Children's Museum pass while we can! Another place we'll miss a lot. 

And this is really random, but I was trying on gauchos in Madewell and laughed a lot and snapped a picture. They were navy with an elastic waist...basically identical to the pairs I remember my mom and Grandma P wearing in the summers as they 'put up' corn. :) 


Have you seen the new Jeep commercials where they're driving and decide to take a different path and several times their GPS says "recalculating"? One of the better commercials I've seen lately, actually. That commercial came to mind the other day in regard to our life right now.

We're definitely recalculating. My brain is still kind of trying to play catch up with everything that's transpired.

We've officially signed the papers to be released from the home we were building. And while there is some sadness at what could have been, we mostly feel relieved because it had become clear it was not right for our family. The last few weeks found us with some growing concerns, mostly what the move meant for our kids. We were able to overlook a lot of those concerns until Devin was unexpectedly given the freedom to work remotely from his job.

Devin loves his job and we decided several months back that he would stay at his job, even if it meant us staying in a location that was our second choice. Now that he has been given the freedom to keep his job and work from anywhere it gives us the option to move to our first choice. And since we've already sold our home and have a very flexible rental situation, that gives us the option to find the right house and move when it makes sense. All this is good news.

All I can really say is halfway through 2017 and the year looks quite different than I thought it would.  I'm just praying by the end of the year we can be settled somewhere that feels like home and we're happy to be.

May Snapshots

May was a weird month of the in between stage. Our house was sold but we still had time before packing/moving. Tying up lots of loose ends with rental things and new house things. And working through annoying inspection stuff with our house sale. It kind of felt like a long month, to be honest.

Ira got a weird fever for several days so we were stuck at home a lot. One gorgeous Sunday Devin volunteered to stay home with sick Ira so Henrik and I could do a zoo date. We had so much fun together. One-on-one time with Henrik is kind of rare for me and I realized how much we both need it.

Henrik started t-ball. Just a low-key program once a week through the Y. He has really seemed to enjoy it and it's a good experience for him to be on a team for the first time. Though the word team should be used loosely. 

We went to a benefit walk for my cousin's little guy and Henrik and Fiona held hands through part of the walk. It was insanely cute. Love these two cousins so much. We're really going to miss seeing Fi when she's in Africa this next year!

Mother's Day was really special to be at my mom's house with some family. Being a mom is super hard and I know I'm doing a million things wrong, but these boys are so incredibly special and I love that I get to watch them grow up as their mom.

We finished up a great year at BSF. We're all missing our Tuesdays and Wednesdays at CATC. I wish I had a picture with my awesome co-leader, but our 3 boys will have to do.

I've tried to be fun mom as much as possible and let the boys have their reign of things outdoors. It's created a lot of laundry but so worth it. Henrik and Ira are playing together more and more and sometimes I don't even know where they are for awhile and I love that. It often includes fighting and Ira crying but I'd say they get along more than they don't so that's a win.

We're down to about a week until we close and move out. Packing is in full swing and I'm starting to feel a bit melancholy about leaving this place. But I'll save that for another post. Bring on a crazy June where we are homeless for most of it. :)

Another Move

the boys had just eaten loads of frozen berries, if you're wondering why their mouthes look blue. :)

It all started with a news article last Fall about a builder downtown doing very small, modern homes. The article mentioned something about the homes being for minimalists who would rather spend the weekend exploring the city than doing yard work. Devin and I were both like, "yes, that's us". We've both disliked the notion that as you get older and make more money, you acquire more stuff and have a big house. Stuff actually stresses me out, so the fact that we're downsizing makes me happy. Also, neither of us grew up in diverse areas/families/churches. We want that to be different for our kids, both racially and socioeconomically. So with these things in mind, we started discussing what we wanted for our family's future and began exploring various options over the last 7 months.

We never intended to be suburb people. We loved our 'sort-of-urban' neighborhood when we lived in Fort Wayne. We planned to live in a more urban setting when we moved to Indy, but it just didn't happen, for lots of reasons, but mainly our timeline to find a house, our price range, etc, landed us is in Fishers. Also, I'll be the first to admit that I was interested in testing it out. There were things that sounded really nice about an attached garage, larger space, extremely low crime rate, and a neighborhood pool. In a lot of ways, I'm glad we gave it a try or I would have always wondered if there was something we were missing by foregoing the suburban life so many are drawn to.

We haven't necessarily been unhappy in our current situation, actually we love our home and have wonderful neighbors, but we have continued to not be able to see ourselves here long-term. There was/is just too much about our house, location, neighborhood, church, etc that just doesn't quite fit who we are at our core. I don't think we have unrealistic expectations of finding the perfect life, but just knew that we needed to attempt a situation that we could see ourselves in longer term. Whatever long-term means for our generation, right? :)

When a couple of Devin's co-workers / friends told him about a new development on the west side of downtown we started looking into it and loved so much about it. Just a month later we signed papers to build there as part of the creation of a new neighborhood within a struggling neighborhood. We're actually building along with 3 other couples (and a couple people we don't know) who we will also go to church with and be in community with. The community aspect was a huge piece that was missing in other options we explored.

We sold our current house in less than two days and will have to be out in June. In the meantime, we are renting until the new house is ready. It will be an interesting year!

I know that this new life we're heading into is going to have challenges and some definite inconveniences. But I have to keep coming back to the fact that this is something Devin and I have been on the same page about and feel called to. Adventure and a huge step of faith!

Life in the Spring

The fact that it's 10 AM on a Thursday and I'm still in my pajamas drinking my smoothie can only mean one thing: my kids are with someone else. I met Devin's mom yesterday and she took the boys for a couple days. Devin and I will go get them tomorrow and spend the weekend in FW so he can play a hockey tournament with his cousin. Devin and I had a couple events we needed a babysitter for, so it sounded nice to send the boys to Grandma's and she was gracious enough to say yes. From the reports we've gotten so far they are having a fabulous time. Ira didn't even cry when he saw me on FaceTime...that's a first.

I enjoy being in my house alone, because it's such a rare thing. However, whenever I'm going to bed and walk past my kid's empty bedrooms, I can feel a bit sad. It's a good reminder of the joy we experience having bedrooms filled with sweet little boys. I seriously love having boys. It's not that I wouldn't want to have a daughter ever, but somedays I just want a family full of boys because I think they're just so awesome. Though right now we're really happy with two boys and aren't feeling the need to put any plans in place for more (just in case you were suspicious about why I'm talking about future children).

Sometimes I can't believe how normal life has been over the past year. There are, of course, everyday frustrations with kids or finances or work, and difficult times (like sitting outside in the frigid middle of the night with poor Henrik who can barely breathe from croup), but overall life here has become fairly predictable and even kind of easy. Maybe the ease we've felt is due to coming out of a couple years that had been hard and honestly, kind of sucky. It's funny to me that we were married for over 4 years before we had a "normal" year.

When life is normal, we tend to spend a lot of time talking about what's next. You know, just to keep things interesting. And while our everyday life has looked really stable these past few months, there's been a LOT of discussion about the future. We've found ourselves in a nice spot, but not somewhere we can stay. Too many things about our life....our home, location, church...just don't quite fit who we are. I've been trying to make lists of things that make me feel alive, because while our current state of life is very happy and God has blessed us abundantly, there's an element of my spirit feeling regularly like something is missing.

At first glance, I can easily dismiss feelings of restlessness as discontentment or some sort of spiritual need. This is definitely the case at times, but when you have the same stirrings over and over I think it's good take note that maybe there's something in need of change. Last Fall Devin and I, separately but simultaneously, started having some of the same questions about our current life and the same dreams for our future. This could make me cry, because its one of the many ways that God has answered my prayer over and over again for Devin and I to be on the same page. Anyway, we started dreaming and discussing and from time-to-time we would explore avenues that seemed like they could accomplish what we desired. Each time we explored, it was a clear 'no'. Sometimes we pushed despite knowing it was a stretch, but God would mercifully shut it down. It was sometimes hard to take, but deep down I always knew it would work when the time was right.

We're once again in a time of exploring and I think I'm finally in a place where I can be really confident of how God leads us and know there's no point in me frantically trying to make something happen. What a relief. What a freeing thing to calmly walk down a path knowing that my part in it all is really so small.

I write this post mostly for the future. I want to be able to look back at this process because I've been through enough change over the past several years to know that it can be exciting at first, but then get really hard. So here's to whatever God has for us next, the good and the bad, knowing that thriving in this short life is worth having times that are not predictable or easy.