Distance: Week Two

This week felt hard at times. I find myself waking up in the morning and wondering if this is really our reality right now. Overall school went well again. We kept to a loose schedule and moved our days around based on weather. We got outside every day whether it was nice or not, but were especially thankful for the nice/sunny days we had. Thankful for neighbor friends when we can be outside!

Soren double-spooning his cereal. 

Ira had a zoom call with his "purple group" from his preschool class. So cute.

Got the kids in bed one evening, poured a large glass of wine and headed to the bath. Thankful for little things to look forward to at the end of the day! 

Soren's been good at forcing me on walks even when the weather is bad. One day he sat in his bike trailer feeding himself and his "woof woof" snacks. So darling.


One highlight for Henrik this week was taking apart several lego sets and building them into something else. He worked diligently several mornings on this and made some really fun things!

Oh Soren. He is just something and so stinkin cute.

Distance: Week One

I'm not a fan of the 'corona' puns, so we'll just call this the distance time. Distance from others and distance learning.

Our first week went exceptionally well. Like, so well that at the end of the week I thought "well either I should be homeschooling or it's all going to go downhill from here". The boys were happy to be home. They were excited about distance learning. I was feeling upbeat, committed, and positive which doesn't come naturally to me. Some of this I attribute to my own neglecting to acknowledge just how long this could all last.

Each day putting a loose schedule on the white board really resonated with Henrik. He runs down in the morning to check the board and get a handle on the day...he really likes to know what to expect. I don't put time-frames on anything to offer flexibility but it gives us a good framework for our day and helps the boys cooperate.

Soren is a whole other story. I have sort of resigned myself to more "beyos" for him (videos on my phone) because it's the only way to focus with the boys if he's awake. Otherwise he's clinging to me whining or destroying things.

So far Henrik has been an ALL STAR with all of this. I think I'm going to learn so much about him during this time.

Ira's preschool teacher is sending fun read aloud videos and cute assignments. Ira's pig party drawing. :)

photo of the destruction while we did school

Friday morning's brief sunshine and warmth was a boost to finish the week:

By Saturday I was so wiped out. I had given so much Monday-Friday and was just so done with being home and being with my kids and the reality of this all hit me hard. I wasn't very pleasant to be around Saturday. Sunday I felt refreshed from lots of sleep and ready to tackle something I had been dreading...

I didn't really even know one could spend so much much $ at Meijer...but this whole grocery store thing is causing me anxiety (the thought of fighting crowds or empty shelves) so my goal was to make sure I didn't have to go back for two weeks. We'll see if I can do it...man, these boys eat so much.

Sunday, after my grocery run I cleared my head with a cold run outside. My pace was way faster than usual so I must have needed to blow off some steam.

It's ironic to me that Devin started a new job last week ready to actually be in an office and is now, of course, remote working again. This time will stretch us all, but honestly we have it so easy. Our financial situation is not affected (I guess technically our investments are but we're so far from retirement), I'm home anyway so can do the distance learning, we didn't have any travel we had to cancel, and no one in our immediate family is medically fragile. I don't say these things lightly and other's situations are heavy on our hearts and minds. Praying we have opportunities to help and serve where needed.

I can tell I'm going to miss people! Last evening's Marco from Leah made me feel sad and I said to Devin "ugh, I'm going to miss seeing Leah!". I think it's important and healthy for us all of us to be allowed to grieve whatever losses we feel during this time.

I am really praying to use this time well. Not to lose focus on health goals. Not to give in to laziness or too much TV, but to instead read more, learn more, and tackle some of the painting and de-wallpapering that needs to happen here.

I'd love to hear what's going well for you in this time of social distancing and if you have any intentions of how to spend your time at home!

Lent / Boys

For the season of lent I'm adding in some extra quiet space in my mornings. I'm also off of Instagram, which is, of course, a very typical thing to do, but always worthwhile. I love Instagram and the people I connect with there and the inspiration I get, but a couple times a year my brain needs serious space from other people's social media lives.

Here are some things I would have posted lately...

Glimpses of the sun! Outdoor time! Granted we spent 10 days of February in the Florida sun, but it's lovely to get the first taste of winter coming to an end...

Sweet Soren...getting scary close to being one. Already acting way too old, trying to do things his brothers do, and is a little too brave for his own good. He's going to be so much fun and such a liability this summer!

I'm trying to take more pictures WITH the boys...even if they are just selfies. These are the people I spend my days with right now and I want to capture that, even if the pictures don't always show the reality.

So far I'm loving 2019...I finally feel normal from postpartum stuff. I've done some hard work for brain health and spiritual growth and I'm seeing some of the benefits of that. And have been dreaming and making plans for the future. This might not sound like much, but after last year, it feels very good and energizing.

Seven Years In

I wrote this last week on our anniversary...kind of a random thing for a blog I never post on, but here it is...

A wise person I see on a weekly basis (aka counselor) was telling me that there's something in our brains that has to reset every seven years in a relationship...like having to fall back in love with that person you're with. Hence the concept of the seven year itch. This resonated with me. I feel like year seven required some fight. Some reorienting to each other. Some harder work in our relationship. Maybe a reality check that you can't really coast in a marriage and expect it to be good.

The wise person I see also pointed out to me that in every area of my life I'm not really okay with things just being "fine"; I want them to be great. This can be detrimental in that I don't always handle disappointment well, but it's a good quality because I fight for relationships (that matter to me) to be great, not just okay. I could say more about this, but that's not the point of this post.

Seven years of marriage,
three kids,
three houses,
two cities,
a career change,
job changes,
and so much more.

Seven years is not long, but it's been long enough to experience some ups and downs and understand that choosing to love someone unconditionally is a very, very hard thing. Actually it's an impossible thing.

Devin is a very good husband. He's not perfect and has pride and selfishness that come out as anyone does, but I'd say overall he's easy to be married to (with the exception of his OCD about sheets, comforters, etc). He's patient, willing to learn, willing to apologize, and works really hard to be the stable provider of our family.

My favorite thing about being married is having that one person who cares as deeply about your family, children, success, growth, future, etc as much as you do. The person who wants to hear all the little details about what the kids did that day. It's so nice to have someone to be just as engaged in these things as you are. Devin's engagement and energy as a father blesses me every single day.

Our hardest years of marriage have always coincided with the addition of a child to our family (which means that 3 kids in seven years of marriage hasn't always been easy), so I'm happy to look forward to year 8 knowing that the third kid adjustment is behind us and hopefully we can enjoy a bit more time to focus on one another.



Postpartum Brain

I'm kind of missing the days when I unloaded my thoughts or opinions on to my blog. Though, I'd be so embarrassed to go back and read those posts...which is why I never do. And you shouldn't either.

My brain is so full right now. I'm sure most women can relate to this. When do our brains ever stop?!

I've noticed that in the Fall I tend to be more contemplative and reflective about life. I also tend to be this way in postpartum, so my brain is on overdrive right now. Speaking of postpartum, how long is that phase? Like how long can one claim postpartum rights for everything that's screwed up about them?

A few months after I have a baby lots of things tend to surface. It's happened every time and tends to last until I stop breastfeeding. It's not a fun time but it allows me, or rather forces me, to work through some things that I might otherwise be able to push aside.

I can tell there are people in my life who think I should stop breastfeeding. But I just can't bring myself to do that - at least not yet. Though I have found myself pulling back my goal from nursing for one year to nursing for nine months.

This isn't something I'm unwilling to be open about. If I were talking to you in person and you wanted details, I'm an open book. But being an open book on the internet is a whole other thing...I think it has the potential to lead to insecurity and hurt with how people do or do not respond. I think for the most part people are great and empathetic, but you're always going to have someone who just doesn't get it.

Anyway, a few pictures that bring up some warm, happy feelings about this season...

Glimpses of the three brothers. Soren is too small to engage in most of their activity, but I love to see them all together and enjoying one another.

Somehow Soren is closing in on six months, which makes me feel sad at the speed of things, but happy to have such a thriving little guy. More on him in a six month post coming soon (hopefully).

Our local park is gorgeous most of the year, but was especially charming Saturday morning. You know the lighting is great when pictures from my old iPhone don't need a filter. This morning reaffirmed to me that I need to be out in nature more. It's so good for my soul.