i don't have a lot of memories with our whole family together just the seven of us. especially since kevin moved out of the house when i was 5. but the ones i do have are good and on a night like tonight i would love to go back. to be 7, sitting in the back of a full size van, squashed between two fighting sisters, listening to debbie gibson with molly as we headed down to florida just the seven of us over christmas. life was as fun and carefree as it gets-for me anyways.

tonight i was sitting in molly's basement with 10ish other people and for some reason felt very alone. everyone has their own little family. even mom and dad, with no kids at home, seem to become their own seperate thing, and that leaves me. and even though logically i know all the responses to this feeling (i have jesus, i'm just being emotional and feeling sorry for myself) i still can't help but sort of mourn the loss of the days when things were simple and my biggest concern was betsy stealing my covers at night...but even that was good because it gave me an excuse to walk down the hall and knock on sara's door. oh to climb into that mauve, ruffly, flowered bed and play peter teter.

so now i'll walk up stairs to that same room that is now tan and blue and is covered with my stuff from high school and sleep away these ridiculous feelings. i'll wake up fine...and if i don't...well i'm sure we have some debbie gibson cassettes lying around her somewhere.