The Identity Struggle

I'm a big advocate of "going off to college", not because of the education, but because of the personal growth. I finally started to figure out who I was in college after several years of being someone totally opposite of who God intended me to be. Finding who I was created to be in college was huge, but it was only the beginning. I'm realizing this process of figuring out who I am continues into every stage of life.

Suddenly I'm trying to, once again, identify myself.

Since Henrik was born I feel like life has been a constant sprint. Hurry and learn how to be a mom. Figure out how to sooth him, figure out what he likes, figure out what to feed him, and figure out how to care for him without ignoring Devin. All the while I was working full-time and in a constant balancing act of work and being a new mom, not to mention, a wife and daughter and sister and friend. Oh, and we found a new church and had to figure out how to get integrated there.

Things and people were neglected. Relationships slipped, the dust piled up in our house (literally), some days I was just relieved to drop exhausting Henrik off at someone else's home and other days I had to hold back the tears and he watched me leave to go to job I was losing motivation for.
During the past year I was too busy to worry about who I was or what I was becoming.

Now, that is no longer the case. A major part of my life is gone. It was by choice, but that doesn't change the dread of once again have to figure out who I am in this new stage. It feels a little daunting. Yet, it's exciting, because I know the pains of 'growing' are always outweighed by the benefits.

5 comments:

Sarah said...

Love the honesty in this post! Thanks for sharing...

Sara Huber said...

Praying for you in this new stage, that you will be exactly who God intends you to be.

leah said...

i remember those stages all too well. it's funny how we think we conquer them, only to enter a new stage a little lost and confused. praying for you through this transition friend!

Britni said...

Have fun working through this, I will pray for smooth sailing ahead for a while for you guys!

Betsy said...

sounds like the others as well as I can identify with identity issues. I usually want an identity until I have it then I fight to get out from under it. All about not liking labels, I guess. For sure, praying you will find clarity in this process of identity.